When we lose someone we love, there are emotions and feelings that we often don’t expect as we grieve. Whether our loved one was ill for some time before they crossed over, or their passing was sudden, there are stages of grief that we go through. The grieving process can take a day, or it can last for years. Everyone experiences loss and grief in their own way.
Even as someone who communicates with Spirit, I am not immune to the grieving process and have experienced loss and pain that literally brought me to my knees. My grief was intense, unpredictable and eventually brought me closer to my loved ones in the afterlife.
Working with people who are grieving, I teach them how they can move through their loss in healthy ways so they can find happiness and joy in their lives again. Helping them to understand that their loved ones are still with them, communicating with them from the other side and even sending them love. Our crossed over loved ones become our greatest fans, experiencing the events in our lives along side us. From the birth of a child, to a wedding or even a new job, Spirit is cheering us on.
The 5 Stages of Grief
When you first hear that a loved one has crossed over, it can be difficult to believe it's even real. You want to just shake your head and say, 'no way.' You may even feel numb or disconnected and may initially not feel any pain. The shock and disbelief are suspending your pain, and this may last for days or even several weeks.
Once the initial shock starts to fade away, you may start to feel angry. Nothing makes sense and anger becomes another way to experience grief. You may be angry at God, yourself, the doctors, or even the loved one who has crossed over. You may not even know who or what you’re angry with and from this stage you may start to bargain in hopes of bringing your loved one back.
The loss may seem like a bad dream and you think of ways that you could have your loved one come back. You wish you could just wake up and have them with you. Maybe God would exchange your life and your loved one would come back. We can even start to feel guilty about something that we think we could have done or should have done for the person in a way to change the outcome. We may replay scenarios in our mind where we do something different, anything different, to not experience the loss.
This is when it first starts to hit you that your loss is real. The pain can be like a wave that you experience mentally, physically and emotionally. As you feel the pain from your loss, you also feel the change in your life from losing your loved one. Reflecting on memories and the special connection you shared while your loved one was alive as well as sadness as you realize that no new memories will be created. You may start to realize that future plans have changed without your loved one.
As we begin to accept the loss of our loved one, we start to move on with our lives. While you may not ever ‘get over’ the loss of your loved one, you start to feel okay about it and you’re able to think about them and even talk about them without feeling the despair or intense pain. You may feel a little sad thinking of them from time to time, but you are able to remember and experience the fond memories and happy feelings. You may even begin to notice signs from your crossed over loved one to let you know they are with you, just in a different way.
The stages of grief are different for everyone. You may only spend a few days in disbelief and your sibling may spend weeks there. You may never go through a bargaining stage while your best friend spends a lot of time with it. You may feel depressed for weeks or even months while your partner moves onto acceptance. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no timetable for an acceptable length of time to grieve. It’s important to honour the process, your process, and recognize if you may need extra support or help with your grief. If you feel like the waves of grief become too much, do reach out and find someone or a group to help you as you heal.
Shauna Chandler is a Spiritual Medium, Teacher and Guide, an avid women’s empowerment advocate, and a loyal coffee and chocolate lover. Her passion is sharing insights and inspiration, assisting clients with clearing anything holding them back, creating room for magical possibilities to take root and grow. Shauna lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada with her husband and daughter.
Shauna Marie Chandler
Reiki Master/Teacher, Angel Readings, Sacred Geometry